Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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