Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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