Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
