So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
