A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
