I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
