Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
