You just made me feel so damn special
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
