my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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