we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
