i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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