he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
