i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
