If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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