dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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