did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
