After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we should paint friendship bongs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
