cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
