Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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