watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
