I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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