currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pooping to opera.
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