I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
