she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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