It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The Olympian is in my bed
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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