Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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