8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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