I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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