I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
