I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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