Your mouth is God's brothel.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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