Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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