wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
