First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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