Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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