Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
