how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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