I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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