Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
