I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
