He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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