you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
