She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
