remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
