its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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