I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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