I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
