Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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