How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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