She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
