i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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