dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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