Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
