I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
