I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
