you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
