ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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