I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
