The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is Oprah even human
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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