I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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