Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Farmville is her only friend.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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