Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
