I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
