i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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