dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
